Fun with the boys

We are home again after our two days up north.  My daughter was initially much better than we expected and we had a lovely first night/day.  On the second day she and the husband went out for lunch while we looked after the boys.  She tried to open up meaningful conversation but he really just doesn't 'get it'.  I won't go into specifics on a public blog but it's 50/50 if they stay together or not.  He needs a major reality check that's for sure!  

While away the two youngest boys came to ours for breakfast each morning -- it was so cute seeing their little faces at the door :) They were both simply delightful.  We took them to a cafe in Kaiwaka called "Eutopia" as it was somewhere completely different.  We'd stopped in there the day before so went back to show them.  

I took the eldest shopping yesterday for new jeans and a T shirt.  He got some of the latest fashion "Dad jeans"... thankfully they were not as big and baggy as I thought they would be. He stayed the night here and went out for dinner with his other grandparents (his Dad's parents who are lovely).

I dropped him off today and now I have the rest of the day to myself as Stu is working for the next two days, not here but actually AT WORK.  Yay, it kind of frees me to relax more in a way.

Our US friends had a fantastic time over in the Coromandel and ended up staying for 6 days which gave them time to tour around but also time to relax.  They went swimming at the beach too which was very brave but something they'd been really hoping to do.  Here is their Youtube video.

  

I am in full countdown mode for our South Island holiday. There is so much to pack and remember so I'm making lists and putting everything in the spare bedroom as I remember it. Fingers crossed that there won't be a Covid lockdown before we leave on Tuesday.

I'll leave you with photos of our time away this week :)

~ Lynda

The boys enjoying (hideously sweet) pancakes at the Eutopia Cafe.

Stu during our first visit... look at how white his hair is now!  Oh my goodness we were both brunettes when we met.  Ageing huh?  

Cole enjoying the trampoline at the camp

And Charlie

And all three of them!  It was just lovely to see Fletcher forgetting he is a young man and getting out and playing with his brothers.

Cole and I played in the games room for awhile.  We were not so great at ping pong but I beat him at air hockey!

Stu too Cole and Charlie to a couple of nearby playgrounds which they loved.

And home again over the harbour bridge :)

 

Off we go...

Today we are off to Mangawahi for two nights to see the boys (and my daughter of course, if she's still there). She did mention yesterday that she felt trapped and was trying to get a ride back home but I'm sure she will still be there.  

We are hiring a studio cabin with and ensuite and kitchen.  I'm sure the boys will spend a lot of their time at our little cabin! It's actually larger than it looks here as it goes back quite a long way.

I will hopefully take lots of photos while away.

Thanks for your comments, much appreciated.  I can't tell my daughter what to do or suggest anything as I know that would not be helpful.  All I can do is be there and listen.  I know that Stu intends sitting down with them both for a chat -- he can be extremely wise when he wants to be and also kind and diplomatic so I'm hoping that will help.  She is still in a bad way. I want to wring her husband's neck to be honest, I'm so mad at him and I know I'll be telling him that at some stage.

Yesterday I went around to their house to check on their two cats and to clean. I figured that was one thing I could do to help her as she didn't get the cleaning gene when God dished them out.  I vacuumed the house, cleaned the kitchen, folded washing, cleaned the family bathroom and fully washed down the front door area.  I have NO IDEA how they live with the way they keep the house.  They have double front doors painted a cream colour but they were so dirty.  The last time they were washed was when I did it a few years ago.  

I told her I'm cuddled the cats and cleaned and I know she was grateful because she said she'd not done anything for the last week due to how she's feeling.  I thought to myself... the last week?  haha... but I kept my mouth shut.  I do know when not to speak.

While cleaning I saw a note from her doctor to get a pelvic scan due to intermittent bleeding.  Of course I am worried about that now too as she didn't mention it.  I hope it's just 40 something changes but I know she's had a few other symptoms so now I am worried about that.  Life huh?   

So we go in a couple of hours and it will be lovely to see the boys if nothing else.

Lynda :) 

More explanation

After some comments I felt a little more explanation is needed.

Firstly the comparison with annual leave etc with US.  Vickie said that the system there works extremely well and she wouldn't want to change it.  Clearly I don't fully understand how it works for all people but I think the point that is missed is that it only works for those who have fantastic insurance and great jobs!  If you lose your job you are screwed!  My son's ex girlfriend's mother was a teacher with full insurance.  They lived in Long Island and she broke her ankle so had to take time off work.  During that time she had a major health issue which was not covered by insurance due to the time she had off and they lost their home and were made bankrupt.  There are zero bankruptcies in New Zealand for medical reasons whereas in US two thirds of those who file for bankruptcy cite medical issues as the major factor.  

When you have universal healthcare like we do there is also the option of private insurance (which I have).  Many employers offer this as a 'perk' but we pay for our own.   I have all the options of quick healthcare, operations etc for an additional cost but that is my choice.  Everyone else in the entire country gets free healthcare regardless.  Emergency care, operations etc.  All maternity care is free as well.  A prescription for medicine only costs around $2 regardless of what it's for.  Some pharmacies do not charge at all.  If you are diabetic here all medication is free.  

I realise that if you are in a great job over there you will obviously get more benefits and life is easier.  The Youtube video I was watching pointed out that here you are encouraged to take your leave and can take it all in one chunk if you want.  From what I gather people in the US take shorter breaks?  New Zealand really is all about work/life balance and people are always taking time off to travel and relax, it's just our way :) 

I'm happy to hear your experiences where you live.  I know Australia has a great system too.  I'm not trying to say who is better, just highlight some interesting differences.

~~~~~~~~~~

With regards to my daughter, I really didn't want to get too detailed but it looks like more explanation is needed.  Many years ago,  my daughter discovered that her then boyfriend had been messaging a woman, arranging a meetup etc.  He didn't actually meet up as he was caught.  The engagement was cancelled and they went to extensive counselling and worked through this to the point that they stayed together but my daughter was always a little wary.

Fast forward to a week ago.  The 'thing he did' happened two years ago but he had never had an STI check and due to an ongoing issue he was having, he decided to get a check.  The phone call from that clinic was heard by my daughter so of course, he had to tell her.  He is extremely remorseful and said that it's been eating him alive to hide that secret.

She is devastated.  She is not functioning on any level.  She does not leave the bedroom and is in a really bad way.  They have counselling booked for next week and are going up to their caravan site today with the boys but when I asked her how she will manage she said "I'll put on some baggy clothes and get in the car".  We arrive up there on Monday so will look after the boys and hopefully try to help her but she really has just shut down.

Because she gave up working when she had the children she isn't in a position to just walk into a job.  She worked as an office administrator prior to that and did retail management years before that.  I know she could certainly get a job in retail but I have no idea how she would manage on her own and while I will help her, I am over being her caregiver.  Whatever she does, she needs to do herself.  It's a total mess.

So that's where we are at.  We go away for our big South Island holiday in just over a week and hopefully nothing will interfere with that.  Having all this drama going on will no doubt spoil much of it for us.

~ Lynda

General update

Hello my lovely readers!  I do see many of you popping in from overseas and I love that.  I think it's amazing that I can 'chat' to so many of you, it reminds me of the old days and having a pen pal which is why I enjoy your comments even though I don't always reply (I do try to most times).

Family issues are not good.  My daughter is a hot mess but I'm hoping that with counselling, talk and time that the marriage will survive and she will not have a complete mental breakdown.  I don't say that jokingly either because sadly my daughter is anxious at the best of times but it seems there might have been a reason for much of this.  Clearly I can't give any specifics but yes it's what you are probably thinking but the 'thing' happened two years ago and only once.  As a parent there isn't much I can do but be there if she needs to talk.

She did call me the other morning crying her eyes out so I went around (with baking for the boys, they love that!!) and we went shopping as it's school holidays and getting her out of the house in public meant she'd be distracted.  They are going away this weekend to a a 40th birthday and then we are joining them up at their caravan for two nights.  We are hiring a cabin at the camp so will be separate from them -- I bet the boys will love that and we can take the boys off their hands to give them some alone time.

My new US friends came for a visit the other day with their gorgeous little boy who is now walking.  They stayed all afternoon and they are just lovely.  We had so much to talk about!  I gave them the key to the beach house and they are so excited to go over there... I'm a little worried about their boy though as he is at that age where he is into everything I'm not sure they are the type of parents to stop him! Oh well, what I don't see I can't worry about.

I have been watching a few YouTube videos of other families who have made the move from US to NZ and wow, the comparisons of life there and here are staggering.  My favourite is a channel called "Kiwiamericans".  This family came to NZ for two years then had to go home but came back again and now live here.  She does lots of comparison videos and the two that really struck me were the healthcare and annual leave comparisons.  Don't get me wrong, I love my US friends but I do think we get the better deal over here!  

Note:  I found the information below to be interesting, I'm not saying it's better or worse, just different so nobody get upset with me, OK?  Thanks :)

Did you know that US is the only country in the world that does not mandate annual leave, sick leave or statutory holidays?  Then there is sick leave and maternity leave etc.  We get one year maternity leave here (and you are guaranteed to not lose your job) plus 26 weeks paid maternity leave which can be shared between partners.     

I'm not sure you can read this but US has 0 0 0 which is for paid leave, paid public holidays and then total holidays.  I know most of you have paid leave over there but this is our law, not at the discretion of an employer. Many people receive more leave than this!  I'm happy to have your comments on this as I'm sure many of you might disagree?? I'm just thinking of the poor workers who don't get a break or who shift jobs and only get 10 days annual leave a year or none at all.  That simply can't happen here.

All that shit that happened over my father-in-law's money, home, will etc is about to be finally settled.  He gets his money paid very soon and in turn he will pay us what he's borrowed to get him through.  It will be fantastic to get that all done and dusted -- he is very happy in he new house and new life, thank goodness.  

It's Friday here... the weekend, yay.  I might have to do something special with my man -- perhaps a meal out in the city and a walk around the harbour or something.

~ Lynda 

Home again

We had a lovely time with the boys.  There are times they are totally feral (giggling, crazy, cheeky etc) and then other times they are smart, attentive, kind and loving.  Cole is really a clever kid and has in insatiable thirst for knowledge when it comes to technology and science etc.  This will be wonderful for him in the future given the technological world we live in.  

He is so cute in the morning when he plays 'mother' to Charlie.  They get up and Cole organises the cereal for breakfast.  He measure it out, puts on the fruit and milk and they quietly eat it before we get up.  Charlie looks up to him and must learn so much from just watching his older brother.  I couldn't imagine it if Charlie was an only child because having Cole around really helps his learning.

On Sunday Stu took the boys to the beach for hours.  He took the beach shelter, chairs, food and drink and all the buckets and spades.  They went to what we call 'little beach' -- it's at the hill end of the beach and is closed off by rock.  Fletcher used to love it there and now the two younger boys love it. I popped down for a quick visit but didn't stay, I was enjoying my alone time too much!

My daughter was ignoring all communication all weekend and I know the boys were worried.  She's turned her phone off and went up to their caravan on her own.  When she picked up the boys last night they gave her the biggest cuddle... they know something is wrong but I tried my best to cover that up while they were with us.  I can't really comment on what's gone on, it's simply too private.  I'm sure you can all guess what behaviour from a husband might have prompted this and to be honest, I don't know how my daughter will deal with this going forward. 

Today Becca and her husband Billy are coming around for a visit with their little boy!  She said they are very excited to meet us, how lovely.  I 'googled' Billy and he is a very accomplished musician for sure.  He studied at the Juilliard School in New York.  I can imagine I will talk non stop telling them everything they need to know about New Zealand!  I want to hear about their life too of course so will also listen!!  I've also sorted out some little toys for their son to play with.

~ Lynda

The boys at the beach with Poppa

Look at their neat little beach set up.  No wonder they stayed there so long (and gave me a break!)

Home time, Cole pulled the beach trolley all the way.

Visiting Grandad's place on the way home.  Morning tea time :) I love how Cole separated out his favourite things to eat last (Toffee Pop biscuit and cheese slice).

Exhausting weekend!

We picked up the two youngest boys on Friday from school and have had them for the weekend at the beach house.  We are going home tomorrow and to be honest, this old Nana couldn't cope with too many days!  It is hard work that's for sure especially when they have their crazy loud times!  We've had really early mornings too, they don't know what a sleep in is that's for sure.  One morning was 5.30 am another Cole was wandering around at 4.30 am and this morning was positively late at 6.30 am.  Yawn.

There was a very serious issue with their Mum and Dad that I'm not at liberty to discuss on a public blog but take it from me, it is about as serious an issue as a married couple can have so I'll leave it at that.  I've not heard from my daughter since I picked up the boy's bags on Friday so I don't know if she is at home or away somewhere sorting out all the stuff going around in her head.  

The boys are aware something is up but we've played it down over the weekend.  Kids don't need to know how stupid their parent can be at times (yes parent... and it wasn't my daughter).  

I have met a lovely lady/couple via Youtube.  They are a young couple with a baby who have just moved to New Zealand from USA.  She put up a few videos about their move and problems they were having etc.  It turns out they have moved very close to us to where we live so I've offered advice and help in a motherly way.  They seem so lovely and so I'm meeting up with them next week in person (was going to meet on Friday but 'family' matters got in the way.  I have offered them the use of our beach house next week also and they are so excited to explore the Coromandel area.  I know they will be respectful of this place and we won't be here for at least a month.

OK, that's all for now.  Home tomorrow but we will stop and see Stu's dad on the way.

~ Lynda

Playing with 'slime' that they got for Christmas.  It's lovely when they come over here because all the old toys become new again because it's so long since they've played with them!

Charlie and his slime

Cole with this orange slime

Off to explore the beach late in the afternoon.  

Charlie and his cocktails -- they decorated their glasses with straws and umbrellas.

At the playground today -- we had a lovely walk this morning and my knees were both fine (thank goodness)

On the walk

Ice cream at the shops

Forty Five Years ago today...

Yes, forty five years ago I gave birth to my first child, a boy.  It was a difficult delivery -- forceps -- but I didn't know any different.  I was on cloud 9 and acted like I was the first woman in the world to give birth!  That high you get from giving birth was extra high with me.  

My boy would not breast feed, ever.  We did everything humanly possible to get him to latch on but no, he wouldn't go near me.  We tried relaxing, being patient (he'll feed when he's hungry), starving him, etc.  It even got to the point where one of the kitchen staff came up to the ward and said that she's managed to have success with all babies to get them to feed.  Um, no luck there sorry.  Anyway, sadly, he had to be bottle fed.  I expressed as much as I could for him but there were none of those modern electric expressing machines in my day, just a horrible suction cup thing.  

So today he turns 45, lives in Sydney Australia and is in a happy relationship with another lovely lady from New Zealand.  She is much younger than him so I'm still not sure if there will be any more grandchildren.  I don't ask... I know he'd like to have a child but she's not so keen apparently.

Today I'm getting my boys from school and taking them home then Stu and I are going to watch Fletcher play soccer.  We don't see much of him now so thought that would be a good way to catch up.  He is still with the girlfriend and it's pretty serious (well for his age).  She is still very anxious and shy but hopefully she'll open up a bit more?  How sad he's got himself involved with a girl with such issues because it's like he has to be her caregiver almost.  

We are taking the two youngest over to the beach house for a few days when school breaks up on Friday (we'll probably leave Saturday morning).  We then have a few things planned before our South Island motorhome holiday at the beginning of May... how exciting will that be?

~ Lynda

Here are some random photos of me and my boy.

Here I am 9 months pregnant.

One day old

Around 6 to 8 months old

One year old

Around three years old... he loved Superman so I made him that cape and he wore it ALL the time.

Starting Intermediate - 11 years old

Graduation from University

At my daughter's wedding, 2013

At Abbey Road Studios in UK, home of the Beatles

And the very last time I saw him.  December 2019 before covid and lockdowns.  Hopefully he'll be back over soon!

A good weekend

We had both the younger boys for the weekend, Fletcher stayed home and had the girlfriend around.  

On Saturday the weather was very wet so we decided to go to the Museum -- always a great way to spend a couple of hours for free!  There were quite a few new exhibitions and also many the boys hadn't seen for awhile.  They enjoyed the simulated volcano/earthquake room (it's a given that we always have to do that!), the Maori meeting house, the Spitfire and much more.  There was a Lego display on but they boys weren't fussed so that saved us over $60.  There were some large Lego displays you could see for free anyway... a rocket and the NZ America's Cup yacht.

One thing we've noticed lately is that Charlie has regressed somewhat and his autism is more noticeable.  His speech is unclear, his behaviour is more random and childish and he is just generally not doing as well.  We have all noticed it and it's so incredibly sad.  

Things with my daughter and her husband seem a little better. They are talking at least and she seemed happy enough when she picked up the boys today.  

You might remember that the boys had hair nits a few weeks ago which were treated and clear but my daughter still regularly checks their hair.  As I was having them for two nights I thought I'd check them (so I didn't get the critters in my own hair!).  I sat them down and used the nit comb and boom... straight away there was a big live one.  I combed and combed but only found one on each of them so treated them again with the Mr Nits treatment which is a kind of oil which helps you comb everything out.  I combed until I was satisfied they were clear and then checked them again yesterday and today (all good).  

The trouble with the nits is that there are kids at the school who have them and nothing is done.  Our boys don't stand a chance sadly.  They provide free treatment at the school so there really is no excuse.

I don't have anything planned this week which is unusual!

~ Lynda

Playing cards on Friday night

At the museum looking at the cast of the Pompeii victim

Col busy taking photos

The America's Cup Lego yacht

Inside the Maori meeting house -- I wasn't meant to take photos in here, I missed the sign but Cole corrected me.  Too late, I'd taken this.

The Spitfire, that's the boys looking at it from up on the balcony

Hair day

I have a hair appointment today, thank goodness.  My hair feels like a mop and with how old I feel (and am looking) having my hair done will give me a boost.  I'm going to get the base colour lightened slightly and also get some more highlights.  I feel like being a little blonder than it currently is.

We are having some boys this weekend, not sure who or when yet.  My daughter had a pretty big argument/fight with her husband last weekend and things there have been incredibly strained.  I know all couples fight but in this instance he was most certainly in the wrong based on what was said.  I don't get involved in other couple's problems as before you know it they are usually resolved but I know it's good for people to vent their issues.  I do hope it's OK with them now.

Yesterday I met up with Tracy (blog reader/commenter) -- thanks Tracy, it was lovely to meet up again and we will do it more often.  The crazy thing was I was early for our meet up so walked past the cafe, looked in and didn't see her so waited outside.  I waited a little further up from the cafe as that's the way she walked there last time.  Finally I texted her and she'd been waiting for me inside the cafe all along!  I seriously didn't see her as I walked past... duh.  

I really have no other news.  We went looking at houses and areas to possibly live on our way home from the beach house on Monday.  There are some lovely options but I don't think we are ready to commit to anything just yet.

I got home to our place and checked out the vines planted by our neighbours.  Yep, they are rampant and spreading everywhere.  I got my scissors and clipped off anything on our side -- I'm determined to not let those bloody vines invade our place!  I'm so pissed off with those new neighbours, they are both young and fit but don't take any responsibility for their garden.  When the house was rented out I used to do loads of the gardening to keep it tidy but now it's privately owned again I'm simply not doing it again.  Let it get overgrown, I don't care.  I will only tidy it up if we ever put our house on the market.

So boys tonight or for the entire weekend or whatever, not sure yet. It will be full on whatever happens.

~ Lynda

Me on the beach the other day... that's Stu behind me.  He loves walking in the water.

Here are a few photos from my house.  I'm no interior decorator but I thought I'd update a few things.

My new throw and cushions for our bed.  I know you are meant to 'throw' the throw but I just find it's too messy!  I know it seems the room is crying out for colour but those walls are actually pale mauve/lilac kind of grey so the white is very fresh in there.  I tried different colours  and settled for this.  It actually looks better in person than in the photo!

ps. Thanks Kmart - it's ALL bought from there!

I put that cute photo of Cole and Charlie into a frame (made it black and white as it suits the photo).  That's a photo of young Fletcher in front.

This used to be my computer desk in an alcove in the hallway but as I use a laptop now it's just a hall table!  The flowers (fake) are from my darling friend who has brain cancer and the pot plant is from my daughter.  It's fake which suits that spot as it gets no natural light at all.

Our buffet cabinet in the lounge with 'new stuff' added.  I've taken out some other items that had been there forever.  That plant in the white pot is real but the little one in the black pot is fake.